10 Marriage Rules You Can Break

With constant talk of how often marriages end in divorce, and a slew of experts weighing in on how to have a successful union, we’re relieved to have this list dispelling some commonly held wedded no-nos. —Glo

1. Don't Go to Bed Angry
   Trying to work through a problem when you’re tired and stressed won’t get you anywhere, says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D. "Agree to disagree for now, and to revisit the issue when you’re rested."


2. Always Be 100% Honest
   In marriage, no-holds-barred honesty is not always the best policy. "You don’t need to share details of past relationships," says Barbara Bartlein, RN, MSW. The bottom line: You need to be polite and caring when it comes to your partner’s feelings.


3. Never Vacation Without Each Other
   The received wisdom here is that if you have time off from your jobs and lives, you should naturally prefer to spend it together. The danger, says Dr. Lombardo, is the belief "that you have to be each other’s everything, and that’s just not realistic."


4. If You Fight, You’re Headed for Divorce
   Actually, says Bartlein, research shows that couples who never fight — assuming that means they’re holding back to avoid conflict — are more likely to split.


5. Always Put the Kids First
   Making your relationship top priority is better — not just for you, but for your children, who need to see you in charge and who feel safer and more secure with parents who have a loving relationship.


6. Never Sleep in Separate Beds
   It’s a myth that couples always sleep better and more cozily together than apart. So if one of you occasionally decamps to the guest room, don’t sweat it.


7. Partners Should Sync Up Their Hobbies
   Giving up your passions is akin to forgoing your independence, and "without independence in a marriage people feel trapped," says Bartlein. Pursue your separate interests and find activities you both enjoy.


8. If There’s No Spark, You’re Doomed
   "Many still believe that when the spark dies out, it means they’re in the wrong relationship, and should seek something new," says Bartlein. Long-term relationships survive on commitment and trust, out of which grows love.


9. Boring is Bad
   The problem with this so-called rule, says Bartlein, is when couples confuse a calm, predictable union with a bad one. A drama-filled relationship may feel exciting, but in the long run it’s not likely to be healthy.


10. You Should Have Sex With Your Partner to Make Him Happy
    "Sex becomes yet another item on your to-do list, and you think you have to do it for the sake of your marriage and the happiness of your spouse," says Dr. Lombardo. While neither of those reasons is wrong, they shouldn’t be the only reasons.